Beginnings-Part Two

I told myself when I decided to resurrect this sixteen year old idea that I wasn't going to worry about the outcome. It was enough to flirt with the notion, walk a few steps, step into a different plane of reality for a moment, and to at least try. I can honestly say that after I submitted those three applications to those three top tier MFA programs that I didn't. We won't talk about the moments before. I believe that's documented in an almost year old blog post somewhere on this website.

I didn't worry because I knew I was about to graduate with my MBA. Accomplishing the goal of getting a master's degree was already in the bag. And if I really wanted to pursue writing or move to California, those tickets weren't necessarily going to be printed on an acceptance letter from a Los Angeles writing program shrouded in award-winning famous authors.

Prior to last Friday, I had already turned in my resignation at work. My "month" notice, since my supervisor already caught wind of my intentions. Not a big deal. She and I understand each other fairly well. It's enough to say that she's a Gen Y right-brained creative who decided she'd take the "practical" route as well; at least for now. I gave her some advice last week and I hope she takes it - from one creative in disguise to another, it's better to study what you love than try to become something that you have no passion for.

I was perfectly content with the idea of freelance writing full-time while I searched for something that might put my $30,000 MBA to use. I was even perfectly content with the rejection letter from a certain school whose program I suddenly realized wasn't right for me anyway. I knew there were still two answers waiting, but I told myself that this feeling I had about another certain school didn't matter. I might not want to spend another $30,000 and put myself through all that work again. Grad school is a killer - even if this time it would be about literature, aesthetics, making a difference in society as an artist, writing a novel, and one 20 page paper instead of 16.

Yet intuition is a funny thing. It can start as a slight pull before you even step foot on any campus, settle into "I think my best shot is with U of X," grow into "I have this feeling I'm going to get in," and end with a voicemail from the chair of the department offering you a spot in the program.

To be honest, I consider that last part a true miracle. How I've managed to gain a spot in one of the top five low residency MFA creative writing programs in the nation without a solid writing or literature background is beyond me. But that's the key, I think. It is beyond me. The entire process I took to get here, the nudges from the universe I had along the way and the beginning of something that I'm obviously being called to do.

After the screaming, the disbelief, and the permanent emotional high comes the hard part - maintaining that sense of trust in an invisible outcome as I leap from one staircase to another.