Monday, March 14, 2011

Beginnings-Part Two

I told myself when I decided to resurrect this sixteen year old idea that I wasn't going to worry about the outcome. It was enough to flirt with the notion, walk a few steps, step into a different plane of reality for a moment, and to at least try. I can honestly say that after I submitted those three applications to those three top tier MFA programs that I didn't. We won't talk about the moments before. I believe that's documented in an almost year old blog post somewhere on this website.

I didn't worry because I knew I was about to graduate with my MBA. Accomplishing the goal of getting a master's degree was already in the bag. And if I really wanted to pursue writing or move to California, those tickets weren't necessarily going to be printed on an acceptance letter from a Los Angeles writing program shrouded in award-winning famous authors.

Prior to last Friday, I had already turned in my resignation at work. My "month" notice, since my supervisor already caught wind of my intentions. Not a big deal. She and I understand each other fairly well. It's enough to say that she's a Gen Y right-brained creative who decided she'd take the "practical" route as well; at least for now. I gave her some advice last week and I hope she takes it - from one creative in disguise to another, it's better to study what you love than try to become something that you have no passion for.

I was perfectly content with the idea of freelance writing full-time while I searched for something that might put my $30,000 MBA to use. I was even perfectly content with the rejection letter from a certain school whose program I suddenly realized wasn't right for me anyway. I knew there were still two answers waiting, but I told myself that this feeling I had about another certain school didn't matter. I might not want to spend another $30,000 and put myself through all that work again. Grad school is a killer - even if this time it would be about literature, aesthetics, making a difference in society as an artist, writing a novel, and one 20 page paper instead of 16.

Yet intuition is a funny thing. It can start as a slight pull before you even step foot on any campus, settle into "I think my best shot is with U of X," grow into "I have this feeling I'm going to get in," and end with a voicemail from the chair of the department offering you a spot in the program.

To be honest, I consider that last part a true miracle. How I've managed to gain a spot in one of the top five low residency MFA creative writing programs in the nation without a solid writing or literature background is beyond me. But that's the key, I think. It is beyond me. The entire process I took to get here, the nudges from the universe I had along the way and the beginning of something that I'm obviously being called to do.

After the screaming, the disbelief, and the permanent emotional high comes the hard part - maintaining that sense of trust in an invisible outcome as I leap from one staircase to another.


  1. When I read the words here, "without a solid writing or literature background", I thought . . it's because her writing is so good! I recognize talent when I read (see) it. And the hard part: trust . . I understand that challenge. Best wishes to you. Thanks so much for the HSP links here!!!
    (until I read the hsp book, I thought my "extreme" sensitivity was an off-the-wall dysfunction!!)

  2. Thank you Jann! And you're welcome for the links. Yes, the perception of how everyone "should be" can make you feel that way until you read an alternative view. =)

  3. Hey just found your blog from writersface. Looks kind of dead there but I like your stuff here. Look forward to reading more.

  4. Thanks Jared! I kind of left writersface without officially leaving; just not enough time right now! Maybe I'll become active again, who knows? Thanks again for taking the time to visit! =)

  5. I completely understand the "knowing" you expressed. So glad you followed your passion that led to your rightful place in this program. Congratulations!!