Validation

Meisms: If you feel your cause is worth it, then that's all the validation you need.

Yes, I know. I'm not really writing in this space anymore. But tonight I felt like popping in. Mostly because I was picking up on something and decided I needed to put it down. Mostly for other people, but perhaps a little bit for myself too.

Sometimes you have a dream or you feel called to do something - strongly. It speaks to you, it moves you, it consumes you. It may taper off every once in awhile or almost extinguish itself for a long time. But then you're back to it and you feel like this is really what you need to be doing. The problem is, no one else seems to see it that way. You're not getting the green lights, you feel like you're not getting the feedback you wanted or the feedback you are getting makes it obvious that others just aren't "getting" what you're trying to do (just yet). Or maybe you're not in the "ambitious" stage and people don't understand. Why would you even take this journey if it's mostly because you want to do something on the spiritual (rather than material) level? Who does this to be artistically ambitious rather than ambitious in the "careerist" sense of the word? The truth is you're both, but you're not willing to put one before the other. Your priority is to make a difference, to inspire change, and to uplift people. So that means you're doing this differently and people misunderstand and misjudge, and you're never quite validated by your peers the way you should be.

I'm not being arrogant here because I'm not really just talking about myself. I see it a lot. I have seen it a lot. There are a few who get the external validation they should or reach that level of "careerist success" the material world has defined for us. But quite a few of the most inspiring, the ones with the brightest inner lights, and those striving for the "cause" rather than the "career," get overlooked and dismissed. Okay, so maybe some of those striving for the "career" instead of the "cause" get overlooked too, but it may not hurt as much. They don't have a calling at stake, or a soul contract to fulfill, or a bunch of obstacles they're trying to overcome in order to accomplish what they feel is their destiny.

I recently read a book called Behind the Mountains. It's based on the proverb "behind the mountains are more mountains." What that's really saying is you're always going to face obstacles - no matter how many you've overcome or stood at the top of screaming "I did it." Someone or some set of social forces is not going to support you or "get" you or even want to see your ambitions from your eyes. So what? If you feel what you're doing (and how you're doing it) is what you're supposed to be doing, you'll keep climbing. And if the only mountain you keep climbing is the one no one else can see, then you're succeeding. You're validated. Because it's the only one that will teach you how to overcome the Self others want you to be.

Project Period Contract - The Life One

1. Work only 40 hours a week. You don't have to make more than you need. Keep reducing what you can.

2. Continue to live simply.

3. Read for pleasure.

4. Write because you enjoy it. Only revise and share if you wish.

5. Wake up with the sunrise.

6. Take care of your body.

7. Find more ways to connect. Develop relationships. Invite more people in.

8. Travel. Keep exploring. Keeping seeking the new.

9. No more "careers." No more pieces of paper. No more striving. Relax and be.

10. Smile and enjoy what is free.

Transformation

There comes a point in any creative endeavor, writing project, or stretch of life's journey when you run out of things to say. It's also sometimes labeled as "time to get on a different path" or "the end of the beginning." I believe that I've reached that point with this blog as it has somehow become more than what I originally intended it to be.

The truth is that I have reached a point where I no longer feel an urge to explore the trait of high sensitivity, discuss its many implications, or describe how we may interpret life and its many lessons. I know who I am and I am comfortable being me, even if that "me" is different from the majority, will continue to be misunderstood/misinterpreted, and will probably never quite "fit in."

I no longer wish to discuss my life or my experiences. I know there's not much to them (by society's standards), but my life is mine and I am more than happy with it. I have a full-time job and employer that I love, a freelance career that I have scaled down to a manageable pace, and one final degree full of writing projects and responsibilities to see through. Where I'm going next or where all of this is going to take me I'd rather not know, and I'd rather not plan or speculate. There will be more changes, more transformations I'm sure, but right now I don't know what the answers are going to be.

I know it sounds silly, but I have no specific goals; no specific objectives for the future, the present, or the past. For the rest of my journey in this body, I'd rather Just Be, Breathe, and Enjoy.

Rest assured I have no plans to take the blog down, as I know many come to current and old posts for "something." What that "something" is is individual and private. It's that space that I'm going to return to. Thank you for reading, for commenting, for sharing a piece of your worlds. Perhaps someday my words and my spirit will re-emerge in a different way. Until then, see you in dreams and the unseen.

Serendipity

Serendipity brought them to the ocean that smelled of lavender at midnight
Two sets of pretty sea shells dangled from ribbons
tied up in branches that whispered from the leaves
blocking out the blue sun sky
in slivers here and there

She came back
in the white light
that took her once
wearing the black and gold
she wore in the first recorded scene
saying something unremembered
with that soft smile
the first visitor
to the other's dreams
in a buried basement

It wasn't a rumble
it wasn't a whisper
that kept her collecting
taken out of sand
and put back in it again

Some had waves
some had echoes of crashes
some were silent reminders
pink, pale, purple, shale

He wasn't in them
was he ever
more than just a shadow
of the love they had just remembered

Mirrored reflections
of lazy paradises
and promised seductions
better left to the wind

So they both kept walking
on shards of glass
hidden between the shells
whose edges sometimes scraped them
and sometimes revealed beauty
beneath their eyes