Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Friendship's Revelation

For the past few days I've been thinking about friendship. What it means, how it starts, how it ends, how it can sometimes pick back up from where it left off and how sometimes it can come out of nowhere, from an unlikely source. Of course, I've been thinking about this in the background as I've been trying to focus on completing my mid-term paper regarding the advertising strategies of two digital music subsidiaries. Yeah, I know...real exciting, huh? I really think they shouldn't call it an MBA at all. Masters of BS would be more like it.

Well, let's move on to something more meaningful, shall we? Oh, yes....friendship. Like most sensitives, especially introverted ones, I keep my circle small. Sure, I'll talk to almost anyone, once you get me going. I'll listen, offer my two cents at times, try to get you to reveal to yourself what you already know and maybe, just maybe I might even sit down for a drink or two to get to know you better. But, to be someone I consider a "friend," you gotta prove yourself. Trust isn't easy and what you do versus what you say is the true test of whether or not you move past the "acquaintance" stage. Now, we're all aware that trust is a two-way street, so yes, I do my best to try to hold up my end of the bargain.

True bonds that won't be broken by the effects of time, other people, distance, change and everything else that life throws at us, are quite rare. Once in awhile you rediscover those-by fate, synchronicity or what seems to be chance. Someone who knows you well, has seen all the deleted scenes that didn't make it to the final cut and all the edits and re-writes that no one else gets to read in your final manuscript. They may have even helped you write a few of those "backstage moments" that in some ways become more precious than what the audience gets to witness.

More than ten years can pass before they reappear on your canvas. Maybe because the Universe knows you need each other again or perhaps its mysterious ways are returning something that you now know the true value of. No harsh words, never a judgment, only understanding and support. You can't even recall a fight between the two of you or why you suddenly drifted apart in the first place. What they do say reminds you of who you were, of who you still are and what you already feel within that's yet to be spoken. So when they call and you can't be there because of some meaningless grad school project, you feel guilty. It's a reminder that you still have a lot of changing to do. You offer the support and "virtual" presence that you can and are grateful that you're the one they trust and open up to. You're also grateful that they don't feed your guilt trip; they tell you it is ok and that you'll get together when the time is right.

We have so many choices in life, so many decisions to make and so many places where we can choose to put ourselves and extend our energy towards. Those accolades and pieces of paper that are gone once we light a match underneath shouldn't be one of them. We do it because we want to be somebody, to be externally appreciated, to be noticed, and to gain what we already have.

Something we already have, but never took the time to really see-someone who cares enough to stick around, no matter what. Someone who sees behind our eyes, into that place that only we think we know.


  1. I have a friend from grad school who found me on Facebook after 20 years and emailed me, telling me to "call him anytime" and gave me his phone number. That was months ago, and I still haven't called him.

    As an overworked write-at-home HSP mom who keeps the ringer off, I am not sure I will ever "call" him. I would prefer to write.

    But he is an extrovert and did not want to catch up by writing, I suppose. My virtual presence is not enough, I guess.

    I feel guilty for not calling him, but cannot seem to get myself to do it. I much prefer virtual connection except for my closest friends ~~ and sometimes, even with them!


  2. Hey Jeanine-I can relate to the preference for virtual connections. It's less stimulating and allows you to respond more effectively at times. Not to mention, you can still "multi-task." =)

    However, I think it's good to get out of that mode every now and then. Every moment counts!

  3. I am a single mum of three and I have just found a new friend and we've been friends for just three months now. At first, I like it cos it's nice to have a new found friend so I invite her to have lunch or dinner with me and my kids and sometimes I asked her to come over if she got nothing to do at home cos I want her to try something what I have cooked. Until she get used to come and visit me, almost everyday she is here in my house and spend time till late (midnight is the latest)and I couldn't attend to my little one anymore like putting him to bed cos it's late because she is around and I don't want to just go upstairs and live her downstairs alone. I can't even force her to leave my house and I don't have the urge to say that to her. Lately, I just feel that I have been abused by her as she stay and spend most of the time in my house whenever she finished early on her cleaning job (which is for only two hours from 8-10 am) then she rushed-in to my place. She come here to eat (brekky, lunch and dinner), drink coffee or tea (afternoon tea), take a nap at 2 or 3 pm, watch tv, using internet and sometimes asks me to make desert for her after she had dinner whenever she feels like eating it. So I just notice that I have no privacy anymore and even my kids (who is 14 & 19 of age) wondering and keep asking me why I am complaining with them when they invite their friends to come over and stay while my friend is just here almost everyday. So now I started like making excuses to her telling her that I have an appointments and I won't be home cos I am going out and she was like threatening me and asking me why I am avoiding her and she says it's not good what I am doing to her right now. She doesn't want me to go out cos she wants me to stay home so she can just hanged around in here. However, I hope that she realize that her friendship with me is not healthy anymore.