Saturday, January 16, 2010

Forgotten Destiny

A destiny
Exists over those mountains
That I’ve stared at from a distance
Since my hair was long and dark
And my eyes were entranced
With their dark bluish outline
Jagged up against the sky.

A dream
Within my heart
Of sunshine’s warmth
And palms
Swaying against a breeze
Lifted from the expanse
Of water crashing
Into foam
Before returning
To its original teal blue

A dream
Of a life
Created by a pen
Reflected in fabricated visions
Of a life
That is something more
Than what was home

License plates
Of California
Speed past me
Each day
As if a reminder
Of where the Universe
Thinks I should be
Even in the land
Of Substitute Dreams
I see one
Over 3,000 miles
From where it should be
Unusual for the West
To be mingling with the East

Yet there it was
On the back of an old pick-up
Speeding past me
Like a true Floridian
Hell bent on getting there yesterday

It was there
After I’d asked the question
Of where I should return
To Destiny or Substitute

A seven year cocoon is ready to be opened
A butterfly awaits flight
Into something inexplicable
Towards a voice
That says
It’s time to soar
Over the mountains
Until they become distant
From behind
And a new range
Has settled
To the right
Rather than to the left

Yes, it's somewhat unconventional for my present day self to start a piece of writing with a rough draft from one of my creative ventures. Yet, when I think about the direction I wish to take my life, it fits. There was a time when all my writings came from that side of myself. Poetry, short stories, novels in progress, fantasies, dreams, visions. My younger self avoided the non-fiction section of the library like a plague, heading straight to the sections containing novels and the other imaginative worlds of films, theatre and spiritual practices. I blame my present focus on the "self-help" "non-fiction" arena on all those years of business school. No, the world of left-brained thinking hasn't completely converted me yet. Of course, I'm not sure I've ever really paid that much attention to it, except when it came to school assignments or learning how to revamp my personal finances. Or when it came down to trying to pursue a career, rather than a relationship, kids and the home life that women are supposed to automatically want, but somehow I never saw myself fitting into. Or at twenty-eight years old, when I finally thought I had gotten myself on track with a company that would take me places.

Well, it certainly did take me places. Unexpected places. Places of rediscovery. Places of awakening. A return to the eccentric right. A circle back to the seventeen year old who wanted to fly West, write and be involved with films, TV shows and entertaining others. The seventeen year old who thought that those who wished to settle into the normal, simple life of nine to five and weekends full of sitting at home in a town with nothing better to do were crazy. The girl who thought she lived in one of the most boring States in the country and couldn't understand why others liked it so much. The girl who never dreamed she would return to that simple town after she left and start re-establishing once abandoned roots. The woman who realizes that she can no longer deny what her heart truly wants. The woman who needs to let go of what appears to be safe in order to experience what's real. She just needs to convince herself that extremely difficult doesn't equal impossible. Or that it matters that others will try to convince her to stay. Or that she'll have to say goodbye to a substitute dream.

1 comment:

  1. You know honestly I can see so much of myself in that personal journey of yours. Just that righ now I am wondering if I can let go of the stability and safety zone and jump for what I really love and believe and want to do.