Wisdom

Wisdom is not necessarily comprised of concrete knowledge or the ability to make the "right" decisions according to some generally accepted standard. It is an individual skill, I think--a recognition of what feels right for a single person in a given set of circumstances, an ability to listen and trust your own voice. Not the dichotomous ones that we often hear, but the calm, steady one that seems to come from an internal center-place of peace and omniscience.

I've recently been reminded that I know how to do that. I know how to trust and follow my own calm, steady inner voice, even when it's being shrouded by the opinions of others that I may value and respect. Even when my doubts are trying to silence and discredit it. I've realized that this is a skill that I have not only developed through my own experiences of being "different" in some way, but by living with the example of someone who did just that. Despite the familial abandonment, the years of financial distress, the emotional taxation that came with the job, and the inability to at times, juggle her spiritual and physical purposes. Some of those consequences have more than reconciled themselves or been replaced by something more worthwhile, if not intangible. Some of those consequences are permanent parts of the deal she signed up for. But she never stopped listening, or fighting, or lost the courage to keep doing something that was connected to external and internal parts of her self. She may not always understand or agree completely with her daughter's own inner voice. But she knows that I'm completely tuned in this time--and I'm not switching stations, for anybody.

Sometimes that means going against conventions. Sometimes it means acknowledging and agreeing with the well-intentioned gestures of support from people that you admire, but realizing that you have to accomplish your mission your own way, in your own time. And--not be in a hurry to get it done and over with, because you've been "wasting time." I don't believe that any time is wasted. The calm, steady inner voice of wisdom that we all have doesn't see time as an excuse or even as a valid concept. Periods of stillness and retraction can be just as beneficial as periods of movement. Reflection, after all, is what drives action in the first place.

Sometimes when we are in the middle of something, it can be difficult to know how much or how little to show and how fast (or slow) to move. The most important thing, as my current mentor has said, is to keep moving.