Saturday, December 17, 2011

Gratitude in Darkness

I have a few people to thank for this past week and a half. Some I may never see again, some I will work with in the months to come, and others I may never see in this lifetime (but who have been a silent, inexplicable force of guidance and inspiration for more years than I care to count).

Anyone who has ever come here or lived here knows L.A. is a strange city. You arrive and you're either irritated and disoriented or elated and full of excited teenage energy. Then you get homesick and wish for everything you left behind in another reality; a reality that seems like it no longer exists, except in memories and dreams. Somewhere along the way you feel like you've been here before. You've seen the sights, heard the sounds, sensed the history, driven the roads. Finally, you get sad and realize that you're leaving another place that feels like it's home. Maybe this only happens to the people who have lived too many past lives as artists and sensitives. I'm not sure I can really say. I just know what I feel every time I'm here.

The people that I would like to thank may read this and they may not. I hope that they eventually do.

Thank you to my recent workshop leader and current term mentor for showing me that you can't escape a lesson that you thought you could run away from.

To my last term mentor and workshop leader for showing me that you don't always have to know what you're going to learn.

To my workshop peers for advocating for what was right, and being sensitive to encouragement, true support, "what's working," silent thoughtfulness, and allowing yourself to stretch to your fullest potential as an artist.

To the "random" speakers, writers, and beacons of social justice for revealing that I'm far from lost. I just have a lot more "dots to connect."

To the universe for all the repeated, obvious, urgent messages of "don't give up" on the freeways, the streets, and the clocks.

To the old friends and strangers I should have spent more time with, thanks for the advice, the chats, the tears, the laughs, and the insight.

To J for being understanding when I had to cancel our plans. Here's hoping (and promising) for next time.

To my sister and brother for helping me out with "Mr. Scruff."

To my gracious hosts for letting me stay in your guest suite and giving me a place that truly felt like "home away from home." I appreciate all the extras you thought of and for inviting me to spend time with your family and friends this evening.

To the city for being beautiful at night from "above." Beauty and light exist in all different shapes and forms when we stop to breathe.

To the other half of who I truly am-thanks for guiding me to the right street when the directions couldn't, and for your constant "vibes" of understanding and support. I couldn't ask for a more beautiful reflection of my side of the rainbow.

And finally to that part of myself that knows this point in my journey is happening so that I can get "lost" and "let go" in order to become one with whomever and "whatever" I need to serve.

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