You're Very Normal (for a Sensitive)

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."-Helen Keller

Finally I have an answer.  After a few phone calls and voice mails to my doctor's office, his assistant left me a voicemail this afternoon confirming what I already suspected-"all your results were very normal."  No under active thyroid, no diabetes, no nothing.  Kind of a miracle considering how horrible I felt and the symptoms I was experiencing.  Maybe it really was nothing but stress combined with the heightened awareness that sensitives have regarding any minor changes in their bodies.  It could've all been a by-product of the fact that, like it or not, sensitivity means we just can't handle as many of life's demands in the same way that the rest of the world can. 

It took a lot of courage for me to go to that doctor.  I was scared.  I almost didn't go.  But something within me was convincing enough to have me put aside my fears and get an answer.  So, now I have it.  "N" was right.  It was probably just the stress of an MBA program on top of 50-60 hour work weeks. 

I'm lucky this time.  I still have a green light and the opportunity to keep living my "normal" life.  The only reminder is the $185 dollars that my insurance didn't cover because I haven't met my $700 annual deductible.  Thankfully my company's medical expense reimbursement account picked up the tab.  I'm not complaining.  I have a piece of intangible freedom in the form of a second chance.

A second chance that I've decided I'm not going to gamble with.  Destiny may be a choice, an achievement, and determined by the manifestation of our thoughts, but that doesn't mean it can't stand to be revised.  No more pushing.  No more striving beyond the limits of what my sensitivity tells me I can handle from day to day, month to month, or year to year.  No more ignoring the warning signs and telling myself to "toughen up" or "get through it somehow."

Tomorrow I begin another re-write, as I've done a few times before.  I might have to rip out a few of the draft's pages, let the wind carry away a few others, and add a few unplanned scenes.  Danger and uncertainty exist whether we choose to face it or ignore it. 

One relinquishes control and the other leads you to the creation of what you wish to see.  And the only thing I wish to see is a life that I don't have to look back on and wonder where it went.  

THE END (for now)..........