Tuesday, August 31, 2010


I see three letters spelled out on the back of quite a few license plates almost every day.  They remind me that you don't really get anywhere unless you take action.  They remind me that you can't take action unless you first dig deep within yourself and face whatever challenge is presented before you-no matter how difficult it may seem. 

When I was working with my trainer, "Doublemint Twin #2," after going through the "on-boarding" classes at my current organization, I'm sure he thought that he'd like to kill me on more than a few occasions.  Not literally of course (well, maybe), but because he had to transform a quiet office priss into a gregarious chip pusher.  Or so he thought.  I usually end up modifying things into some sort of form that works best for me, but he tried his darnedest to mold me into the company's cookie cutter format. 

Those four weeks of training were some of the most challenging moments of my life.  There were many moments where I felt like I wasn't going to be able to hold the tears in any longer, that I couldn't possibly do this on my own someday, and that I was really, really inadequate at the tasks I was attempting to do.  Still, I showed up early every day, tried to do exactly as I was asked, and attempted to put forth the best possible effort that I could.  Now the tasks that were so challenging before are almost like second nature.  I'm good at them, even excellent at some of them.  Sure, I'm human and I'm far from perfect so I do mess up from time to time.  Still, I no longer let those small errors get to me.  I laugh at them, correct them, and move on-instead of beating myself up on the inside. 

I've come a long way in the past five years.  A lot of the invisible lessons that I learned had nothing to do with my company's training manual or what they probably hoped to mold me into.  Those lessons were mine.  They were personal, spiritual, and certainly surprising.  In a way I grew up.  I learned that I had to be me and not what I thought someone else might want.  I learned to first validate myself from within before seeking it from those outside of myself.  I learned to speak up for what I feel is right, to not be afraid of the complications and to finally breathe and let go.  Yes, I'm exhausted as hell and it's almost time to move on, but one thing's for certain: there are no guarantees.

You have to keep experimenting in order to find what fits. And what fits usually keeps changing with your own evolution.  Once in while it stays the same, but if it did all the time, where would the fun be in discovering the full breadth of life?  We are our own creations meshed together with a higher purpose that's entwined with everything else that we see.     

Guarantee or no guarantee: the one thing and the only thing that you can do is try.     


  1. I have just started following your blog. I too am HSP,what a journey it takes you on hey. I really like how you write and find myself relating to your words and feelings....mmmmm....

  2. Thanks! Yes, it certainly is a journey. But, I wouldn't trade being one for the world. It makes life so much more enriching and valuable. =)

  3. yes it can, at times a real challnge. Have only realised in the past couple of years ago that how I look at the world is named. I like it named and my feelings real....always feeling :-)