Listening to Your Intuition

Intuition is more than just a characteristic of highly sensitive people. For us, it is a cornerstone of our existence. It is the way we interpret life, how we learn, how we can become visionaries and how we pick up on the unspoken. In my experience, intuition can go so far as to being able to sense the type of off-screen relationship two actors have simply by watching their on-screen performances together, as well as being able to pick up on aspects of their off-screen personalities. Intuition can decipher what or who is behind the masks that are often used to conceal a piece of reality that doesn't want to be revealed.

Intuition isn't based on logical fact gathering, making it difficult to trust. A feeling that instantly makes itself known by permeating the soul, shrouded in an ambiguous cloud of realization, can be amazing and uncomfortable to handle. It’s amazing in the sense that you simply know things, almost instantly, without knowing how or why; uncomfortable in the sense that you're not sure you should trust just a feeling that seems to come from within.

There were many times when I second guessed that gut feeling, especially when it came to life decisions, other individuals' characters, motivations and intentions. After all, we're taught that the most important decisions in life should be based on facts, figures, what appears to be true, what will benefit us the most financially, and what seems to be the most logical. For sensitives, though, I think this approach can be an elusive trap that ignores our ability to sense, rather than dissect the answer.

The answer that logic leads you to can be diametrically opposed with the one that intuition gives us. I'm certainly not advocating that either approach should be abandoned in favor of the other, however, it’s been my experience that if your intuition is telling you "no" when logic is saying "full speed ahead," you should stop and listen. Sometimes when you don't listen to intuition's "no," it has a funny way of magnifying that "no" the entire time you're living with the manifestation of that decision.

Intuition instantly permeates through the masks that people use in an attempt to conceal their authentic selves, perceptions, motivations and intentions. It also sees through the politics that are played, which can make those that have perfected the illusion of a political persona very uncomfortable around you. The ability to sense what and who's beneath the surface helps you discover what people are unwilling to disclose openly. Intuition senses the soul, that inner essence full of past history, present existence and future aspirations. It is invaluable in discerning who can be trusted, how someone really feels about you, what that person wants, as well as the potential the relationship holds.

The ability to tune into the information that collective consciousness can bring us is also a part of intuition. Some call it the voice within, but I believe that those sudden whispers of premonition and insight come from the spiritual realm. Psychic ability is a heightened form of intuition that we all have the potential to develop and tune into. The difference for highly sensitives is that this potential comes already built in. It is automatic, as natural as breathing when its intended use is to help others, or prepare ourselves for events we otherwise wouldn't be able to handle properly without forewarning.

We don't want to think that a feeling, a sense of what is, can be as accurate as an analytical trail of puzzle pieces forming themselves into a conclusion. There's no explanation for "just knowing" or a method of how you arrived at the answer. Many things in this universe are inexplicable, but one can't deny the awe of their existence. When we begin to trust and believe in what doesn't seem to make sense, what can't be physically touched, we realize that reality begins with the invisible.

It's what goes on behind the scenes that brings the show to life. Why should you deny its validity?

Learning to Dance Away from Perfectionism

I'm not sure how many other sensitives out there can identify with being a complete control freak when it comes to our professional lives, as well as the aspects of our personal lives we deem to be important. Perfectionism is a trait that has ruled my actions throughout my thirty-three years of life, especially in terms of my jobs, my schoolwork, a few romantic relationships, some platonic relationships, and the actions of family members. Conscientiousness and idealism are other names for the drive to "make everything right," but regardless of the synonym you choose, I believe that this trait is one of the main sources of stress for sensitives.

Perfectionism is not necessarily a bad thing. It can prevent mistakes, lead to continuous improvement, get you noticed for supposedly being "brilliant," lead to promotions or extra assignments because you're a "good, hard worker." Idealism is what drives the world to be something more than what it currently is. It pushes everyone to attempt to go beyond what they currently see. Limitations are disregarded, hope sweeps its energy into inspiration, the bright light of goodness shines within our eyes, kindness and goodwill flow from our hearts into actions without a second thought.

Yet, conscientiousness can also make you the target of bullying from bosses and co-workers who fear your competence and your unwillingness to solely rely on the political game to advance. Conscientiousness can cause you to drive yourself into a corner of insanity. The realization that there isn't an answer to everything, some things can't be changed regardless of the amount and type of effort, you may not be ready for something or someone you want, and that perhaps what you're attempting to accomplish just isn't a good fit for you, can be beyond frustrating if you haven't learned how to recognize when you need to let go.

Being a perfectionist doesn't always allow you to dance with life. The idea that life is meant to be danced with is something that I've known in theory since I was perhaps nineteen or twenty. It was 1996 or 1997; I can't seem to recall exactly which year, that I was introduced to the concept through the song "Dance With Life" that was used as part of a storyline regarding a young character learning to experience life to its fullest, despite having HIV. The idea has remained in theory until recently.

Until recently, I've used perfectionism as a way to absorb myself in work rather than play. While I've never equated time with money, it's easy to see why others have gotten that impression from me. My energy used to be spent on being productive out of necessity. When the threshold for necessity has more than been met and you find yourself still working hard and striving for perfectionism due to an organizational culture's drive, you begin to finally see what's important. When you realize that your best still isn't going to be good enough for that culture, you begin to "perfect" the art of maintaining the minimum performance levels. Your values begin to change, as you no longer wish to work long hours and miss the very experience of life. The stress begins to fade away, along with the high expectations you place upon yourself.

After all, mistakes are nothing more than the lessons we need to fuel our growth. The memories of playtime, relaxation and time spent with those important to us are what we end up cherishing. The freedom to explore your interests, hobbies, make a difference, and enjoy how you spend your time is valuable in the sense that it makes living worthwhile. Every moment that we experience in the tangible dimension of existence is a gift and an opportunity to shine light where there is darkness. Rewards don't come without leaps of faith and trials and errors that have no reason to be filled with regrets. Conscientiousness shouldn't be completely abandoned, but don't allow it to stop you from hearing the music that's inviting the soul to express itself. Choreograph the dance into a memorable venture that carries you on a breathtaking whirlwind of adventure.

Reflections

A number of individuals take time at the end of each year to decide what they would like to accomplish in the upcoming one. I can't say that I typically do this with intent. I usually go about it with a vague idea of what I would like to change and work on it in a rather unstructured, big-picture manner. As the end of this year comes to a close and the next one comes upon us, I'm doing something a little different. Rather than coming up with a list of the so-called "improvements" I would like to undertake, I'm compiling a list of the current year's moments, actions and discoveries that have brought me to who I am at this point in time.

In order to look towards where we want to go, we first need to take time to examine where we've been. There are times when we seek out a piece of our past that we were fond of and discover that it has become our present. These epiphanies sneak in between the nostalgic reminiscing and the fondness of remembrance, coming over us in a rush of realization that sometimes we do indeed become our former inspirations. We can suddenly realize that the lyrics to a song we used to love perfectly describe the way our present situation has come to be. The previous version of our self related to it only through association, but we now fully realize its true meaning because we are living those lyrics verbatim. A fabricated character we used to adore can re-manifest pieces of their personality within us. A past influence can reappear down the road, showing us that our authentic self was known before we awoke to it.

Whenever epiphanies occur, they make us see what we either couldn't or chose not to. They often make us come to a screeching halt, give us the courage to take an unpredictable risk, or just simply realize that we have exactly what we need. Here are my favorite epiphanies of 2009:

Allowing yourself to be who you are is more important than trying to become who you think you want to be.

It is never too late to start walking towards an old dream.

It is okay if not everyone understands you or likes you. What matters is that you understand and like yourself.

You have the right to stand up for yourself and your perspectives.

Never apologize for being who you are.

There are never failures. There are just times when we need to be forced to take the road to our true destiny.

With some situations (and people), the best alternative is to let go and move on rather than digging in your heels and attempting to save the world.

The freedom to take time for yourself, your loved ones, your passions and creating meaning for others is more valuable than any amount of money you'll make.

Intuition should never be overruled by what appears to be safe and practical.

Never allow someone else's opinion to define who you are, influence your self worth or cause you to choose something you wouldn't otherwise.

Reinventing yourself is a part of progress and should be embraced.

Choose to spend your time and energy on what you have the power to change. Allow yourself to accept what you cannot.

Chances should always be taken and what's currently in the shadows should always be brought into the light.

"Can't" should be erased from your mindset.

Endings are beginnings in disguise.

Love has the power to overcome boundaries and never extinguishes its flame.

Talents are the gifts that you allow yourself to express.

The intangible is more profound than what can be explained.

What wasn't meant to be lost always returns.

Life is meant to be danced with.

The Effects of Negative Energy and Overstimulation

Growing up, I often found myself overwhelmed with a swirl of emotions that stirred inside me. My younger version never gave a second thought as to whether those emotions were actually hers. She simply assumed that they were. Feeling the intensity was the easy part; figuring out how to handle those emotions was quite another story.

Spinning out of control on the inside is the closest description I can come up with to communicate what it feels like. You think you might be going crazy, that you're about to burst from the pressure of having to control yourself, and that it would somehow be better if you could self-destruct. The act of being destructive is a way of attempting to eradicate your present existence and its obligations. It's an escape mechanism that yearns to wipe the slate clean by extinguishing what we currently know, with no consideration for what we might consider to be valuable.

What I didn't know then was that having the trait of sensitivity means that you literally absorb the energy of what's around you. You instantly feel it so deeply that you become that energy. This "becoming" occurs not only in the moment of interaction, but long after the moment of absorbtion. The assumption, therefore, is that you are those feelings. When that energy is positive or inspirational, it can carry you into new worlds full of imagination, sunshine filled rainbows, vicarious experiences and childlike dreams full of possibilities.

The other side of transcension, of course, is that not all energy is positive. The nature of humanity includes inconsideration, jealousy, sabotage, closed-mindedness, intolerance, lies, cheating, pain, suffering, narcissim, and the pursuit of self-indulgent illusions. Sensitives can find themselves absorbing energy's darker side more readily, as we often feel the need to fix any problems we encounter. Negative energy also finds itself radiating from the fast-paced approach of today's world. Being exposed to the "let's get it done yesterday," "can't we do that better" philosophy is a source of demoralizing frustration for sensitives.

As a result, sensitives find themselves wondering if they're good enough, why they can't seem to catch their breath, why they're so irritated for no reason, and why they're running to a bathroom stall or some other reclusive place to let the tears start falling. There's also the standby of wanting to crawl into bed and sleep rather than be awake because our dreams seem more inviting than reality.

When I was an undergrad student, one of my roommates and best friends from high school, would comment on how she thought I would purposely avoid situations that involved groups of people because I was afraid of being around others. She was only half right. Many times I would decline invitations to go out with groups of friends, attend parties and gatherings not because I didn't want to connect and interact, but because I found them overstimulating and a source of mental exhaustion. The energy that I had to muster up to be "on" during my long days filled with classes and two part-time jobs was enough. When I was free of these obligations, I needed "me time," literally, to recoup. When it came time to socialize, I preferred one on one conversations, preferably in quieter settings, where I could actually listen, focus and have time and space to formulate what I wished to verbalize. Of course, trying to explain this to a non-HSP is at times daunting, if not fruitless.

Exploring the research on sensitivity has taught me that while I may still be absorbing all this energy around me, I can turn off my "I'm taking this personally" switch. You can still feel the sting, yet choose to realize that you have nothing to do with what those external forces are communicating. There's no reason to automatically go on a guilt trip, feel responsible for the world's problems, run away, or continue to watch your inner dynamite's fuse explode. There are times when sensitives will continue to do these things, but why not take a moment within these situations to let yourself breathe?

Once you stop to turn off the emotions for a brief second and call out the analytical advisor within, you'll begin to realize that there will always be people and situations that are better left to their own devices. They may not understand you or even want to. They may simply need someone to listen as some things in life require more than a band-aid. Remember that the world's negative energy and overstimulation aren't going away. What's important is that you understand yourself, know what you want and do it, regardless of what others may want you to do. And that negative energy and overstimulation? Smile as you make the decision to walk towards the world of sunshine filled rainbows.